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“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
– one is roots and the other is wings” — Hodding Carter
A lot is expected of college students. In addition to
adjusting to the rigors of academics they must make a whole
new life for themselves in a place that most likely feels
quite foreign in the beginning. Most of the time
encouragement and reassurance from family and friends is the
best remedy for helping them through the tough spots.
However, sometimes additional support might be needed.
That is where we can be helpful. Counselors at the
Counseling Services Office are available to assist your sons
and daughters in sorting through some of the tougher
challenges they may face at college. Counseling for personal
concerns and alcohol or other drug use is available to all
day students free of charge and is provided by licensed and
certified professionals who understand the special needs of
college students.
Counselors are always available to consult with you about
concerns that you may have regarding your son’s or
daughter’s adjustment to college. Please feel free to
contact us at 215.951.2868 if you have any questions.
As a parent you may be the one of the first to see signs
that your son or daughter is struggling emotionally in some
way. Here are some practical tips to assist you in helping
your son or daughter
What to Look For
Marked changes in behavior
- Marked decrease in academic performance and/or preparation
- Missing classes, work or appointments
- Withdrawal from family or friends
- Loss of interest in activities, people or things once enjoyed
- Sleep disturbances (insomia, or sleeping too much)
- Eating disturbances (decreased or increased appetite with changes in weight)
- Conversations that do not make sense
Marked changes in mood or appearance
- Persistent sad, anxious or “numb” mood
- Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness or helplessness
- Increased irritability or hostility
- Excessively anxious especially in social situations
- Marked decline in personal hygiene
- Physical complaints that do not respond to medical treatment
References to Suicide
- Expressed thoughts of suicide or self-harm
- Expressed thoughts of hopelessness, or helplessness
- Wondering if the world would be better off without them
- Isolation from family or friends
- Giving away prized possessions
- ALWAYS take these kinds of talk or actions seriously
Listen
- Accept you’re your son’s or daughter’s thoughts and
feelings without judgment
- Let your son or daughter do most of the talking
- Communicate your understanding by repeating back the
essence of what your son or daughter has shared with you
- Offer advice if requested. Avoid lecturing or making too
many suggestions
Give Hope
- Assure your daughter or son that things will get better
- Help them to understand that there are options and
resources available to help
- Remind her/him that the door to home is always open
- Remind her/him that solving big problems take time. Be
patient
Provide Support and Encouragement
- Remind your son or daughter of your trust and confidence
in her/him as a person
- Remind her/him that you are available whenever he/she
needs to talk
- Encourage him/her to use support services on campus
sooner rather than later
- Consult with Counseling Services staff about your
concerns and talk about ways to help (call 215.951.2868)
- Be direct about your concerns and the behavior and
attitudes that you have concerns about
- Reinforce that you are speaking out of concern and do
not feel that your son or daughter has done anything wrong
- Suggest your son or daughter call Counseling Services as
soon as possible to schedule an appointment 215.951.2868
- Meet resistance with acceptance; suggest that counseling
is an option that is always available
- Follow-up with your son or daughter even if he/she does
not follow through with your suggestion
Confidentiality
We know that you agree that it is important for students to
feel no hesitation to ask for help. Over many years of
working with students we have found that assurance of
confidentiality is vital to them. Counseling Services at
Philadelphia University provides confidential mental health
services in accordance with state and federal law and
professional ethical standards. Once a student becomes a
client, counselors may not discuss her/his situation or even
acknowledge that fact that counseling is being provided
without the written consent of the student. Confidentiality
will only be broken in life threatening situations.
Open communication about your son’s or daughter’s emotional
and psychological well-being is something that you will need
to work out together. Honor your desire to respect her/his
independence and continue to provide loving and tangible
support when it is needed. Strategize together about how
s/he can seek your support in a difficult time without
worrying about upsetting or alienating you.
The limits of confidentiality notwithstanding, that staff of
Counseling Services can always listen to your concerns. Do
not hesitate to contact us to discuss concerns that you
might have and explore possible courses of action.
Additional Resources
BOOKS
Don’t’ Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential
Parenting Guide to the College Years.
Helen E. Johnson & Christine Shelhas-Miller
Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Today’s College Experience.
Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Lawrence Treeger
When Kids Go To College: A Parent’s Guide to Changing
Relationships.
Barbara M. Newman & Philip R. Newman
College of the Overwhelmed:The Campus Mental Health Crisis
and What to Do About It.
Richard M. Kadison, M.D. & Theresa
Foy DiGernimo
WEB SITES
Jed Foundation
http://www.jedfoundation.org/
Ulifeline
http://ulifeline.org
Alcohol and Other Drug Prevention: The Parent Connection
http://www.edc.org/hec/parents/#1
Parents Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
http://www.pflag.org
College Parents of America
http://www.collegeparents.org
Questions? Contact Counseling Services
via email: CounselingServices@philau.edu
phone:215-951-2868
